Beautiful things... and hard questions

I picked Tristan up at camp the other day... and he gave me this awesome sun catcher.

I don't know where, but for whatever reason, this thing was REALLY special to me.  I guess, I love it because it reflects light and it's pretty but... I love it because Tristan made it. And, he made it for ME.

While driving home.. he asked "Is today our special day for Daddy!?" and I immediately knew - he was asking if it was Father's Day.  I explained that it wasn't but this coming weekend it would be.  We would do whatever Daddy wanted to do, and we would be extra sweet to him and try and do nice things without him even asking.

Then it came.  "Mommy, where is your Daddy?"  *UGH*
I replied: "Tristan, you know my Daddy, he's your Grandpa."
Then... double Ugh... "Oh that's right, you don't talk, I guess he doesn't like you"

*heart shatters*

I proceeded to take the next 10 minutes to tell him my Dad DOES love me, we just have a hard time talking. Family stuff is HARD. It just is.  We can fake that it's not, but in general, it just is.  So instead of crying (I was close) I chose to tell him all the great things about his Grandpa.

• Grandpa has been to every single game I had ever played in.  Even the ones in the snow and rain.
• Grandpa is very silly and loves to play games - he even played a scary game and I would hide. He would find me and would tickle me when he found me.  I loved it.
• Grandpa loved to take me hiking and out into nature
• Grandpa played soccer with me and encouraged me CONSTANTLY
• Grandpa caught a million softballs that I tried to pitch to him
• Grandpa bought me a ton of gerbils, hamsters and a bunch of cats
• Grandpa and I used to catch "our snake" almost every weekend and he always came to find me when he almost mowed a frog
• Grandpa will forever regret telling me to "paddle out to the lighthouse"... Joanne and I did it (very late and scared Grandpa badly)
• Grandpa taught me about planes and coins and guns
• Grandpa gave me a love for working out, and martial arts
• Grandpa made a thousand cardboard houses and stores and drank warm root beer with Twizzlers with me
• And... we pulled into the house... so I had to stop ... quite frankly he was just done listening, I mean, he's 5!

And lastly I unbuckled him and said...

• Just like when you make me things (like my sun catcher) - I treasure them... just as he always did MY stuff.

He said, "I have a great Grandpa!"

I said "You do, and he loves you"  

Hard............. but still good.  Memories are good.